A Dialogue in Black and White

I loved this week’s conferences and topics; I was able to touch upon ideals that I had, yet really didn’t take the time out to examine them under a social scientist’s gaze or intuition. So I thank you for that!

Article 22; “A Dialogue in Black and White” is a phenomenal read. Technically, it is a transcription of a conversational interview of two inspiring women; Andrea Ayvazian and Beverly Daniel Tatum who cross racial and social borders to enact a friendship that is a true inspiration to everyone. In Andrea’s words:

“Beverly and I call that first professional collaboration during which our relationship was formed, “our trial by fire.”  And later she states, as she and Beverly discussed many delicate issues of race early on in their relationship for their work; they attributed this to being “a bonding experience.” (Adams et al. 2013 p. 128)

I find this statement reflective because the social norm in this society is to be very casual in your relationships. To “network” rather than “develop” relationships, to “imply” rather than “state;” the causality of social living is effectively chipping away our humanity. Rather extreme statement and obtuse, but I’d like to see how far I can contemplate this state of affairs.

When we become personal in our relationships for example, what do we mean by that [being personal]? Well, as Beverly states, “One of the things that have been important is that at the beginning of our relationship there was an examination of our values.” (Adams et al. 2013 p.128)

Examining and sharing values, I believe is the key to developing and knowing a person. A person once told me that he was dating a girl so seriously that they were at the point of announcing their engagement, when one day; her parents asked him, “So Kyle; are you a Christian?” He was an atheist and for the two-three years he knew this girl; they never discussed this vital piece of information. Needless to say, he was forbidden to meet/see that girl ever again. This shocks me, yet it does make sense to me, that in this society we are trained to only speak on the obvious connective lines, such as work, mutual friends, and other common grounds. Now, I’m not saying these points are also important in creating relationships, but I’m speaking of the lack of disregard to develop deeper and stronger relationships.

When we move towards developing meaningful relationships, we began another path of learning. Just as Beverly and Andrea worked hard to be open and mutually respected each other in their relationship, and so should we in our relationships. I’m twenty years old; but I’m still learning from my mother and our relationship is still growing and developing as we both watch ourselves respond to the environment and share our responses.

I respect her so much more, and I know that the more she shares is an indication of her trust that I am mature enough to handle it, and that humbles me. While a mother-daughter relationship may be vastly different than having a friendship; I still believe that every relationship should be where there is a mutual respect and an openness to discuss deeper subjects if needs be. 

Resources:-

Adams, M., Blumenfeld, W. J., Castaneda, C., Hackman, H., Peters, M., Zuniga, X., (2013).  Readings for Diversity and Social Justice. New York: Routledge.